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My Life-History Testimony

• Aulonacara's Musings // Testimonies
• Auratus // May 22, 2009

This is about the faithfulness of God in the life of this sinner who now belongs to God; this about the faithfulness of God to me in spite of me. It is my life-history testimony.

What Has God Done For You? What Has God Done For Me?

I can't point to any one single great thing in my life as a powerful testimony by Jesus. I can say God has shown Himself to be faithful and merciful beyond all that I can possibly imagine. He is faithful in spite of all my sins and betrayal to Him at various times in my life; including my ill habits of cursing in His name when angry for selfish reasons. I hope this will speak to you. Trust Jesus to help you change! Ask Him to come into you! Seek Jesus through Christian fellowship. Please take the time to read my abbreviated life history, testimony, about the faithfulness of Jesus in my life.

1961 thru 80 - I was born and raised in the Tempe-Phoenix region of Arizona; but my last two years of my youth were accomplished in Pocatello, Idaho (the family had decided to move there). I was raised a “Christian” in a Presbyterian church. I went through “Confirmation” as a young teenager, but I never really knew Jesus. I believed in God, but only superficially. I had no concept of just how real Jesus is in the life of the Believer. I rapidly became caught-up in the ways of the world and had interests in other religions. Christianity seemed shallow. I cursed in the Lord's name if angry, and grew into a cynical teenager. This cynical attitude lead to a bitter attitude as a young adult. In spite of my doubts, I still believed in God and prayed Lord's prayer as habit with very little said after it.

In spite of things, God would often answer my prayers. In one instance, my dad often let me use his hand tools for building “Forts” (club-houses); but I would misplace these, but God would always help me find them (I have always been terribly absent-minded). In another instance, God helped me win a contest for a trip to the mountains to get a Christmas tree for the fourth grade school classroom; this required a poem to explain a sketch which I had to draw. At the time, it was something important for me, because I had never won anything before (and not since); I prayed for God's help in this often; and it seemed He heard in great love. I can remember thanking God over and over, after I was told I had been selected for the trip. I made a promise to never forget God for the rest of my life. I have always tried to honor this old childhood vow. God has often brought to my mind remembrance of the vow.

1975 (late in the year) - I had an “Out of Body Experience,” which forever caused me to be deeply interested in spiritual things. I had just arrived home from school. Before dinner, I laid down to rest and listen to some instrumental music (“Oxygen” by Jean Michael Jarre). This experience was one in which I found myself, as a spirit, flying slowly over Phoenix, Arizona, at night, from one end to the other; after that, the experience ended. The experience was peaceful & beautiful: beyond all I could ever imagine.

1979 - (Junior year in High School). Division between myself and my parents began to form; there were terrible divisive arguments. Eventually I am told that I must leave home after my High School graduation. It is suggested to me that I should join the military. It was “The Delayed Entry Program.” I joined the US Navy Submarine service.

1980 thru 81 - (Senior year in High School). The family attended a Josh McDowell crusade (an effort by Campus Crusade For Christ). It was at this crusade that I understood the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my heart for the first time; and subsequently became “Saved.” For a short time, I was filled with the Holy Spirit without knowing such does happen; I sometimes would, for no reason, sing songs at an unknown impulse in gibberish of something that sounded like a foreign language (the Bible calls this “Tongues”). The years of family division end. It was amazing how fast things reversed. I was truly happy for the first time in my life. A few months later I departed for Navy “Boot Camp.” I was a sort of “Jesus Freak” for the first several years of my Navy career.

1981 thru 83 - I was very excited about God and Jesus, but never managed to attend church while in the Navy. I began to have theological questions about reality as related to God, but there was nobody to help me. The Navy Chapel didn't work for me. There was no “Internet” in those years for questions. My Christian growth began to stagnate. I was a man of the world in many ways. Many things distracted my faith in Jesus, including computer games and a new interest in body-building with the sexual lust often associated with it.

1983 thru 86 - I made a close friend in the Submarine Navy. Drew exposed me to the Christian Science cult. This answered many of my theological questions, but I still had a empty feeling; that, somehow, something was wrong. The Holy Spirit was still in me, but I had no real concept of Him. I was ignorant.

1986 - I re-enlisted in the US Navy. I flew home on military vacation and bought a car. I drove to Norfolk, Virginia, for my “Shore Duty” tour. This is when I formally moved away from my parents home. I gathered all my remaining belongings.

1987 - For the next six months, I lived in military barracks in Norfolk on base. This is when I began to watch the religious TV shows: Kenneth Copeland, Jerry Falwell, 700 Club, Jimmy Swaggart, Rock Church and others. I was re-exposed to basic Christian principles, especially the idea of having a personal relationship with Jesus... which the Christian Science cult mostly ignores. I began to learn about the Holy Spirit; that He is a real personality of the God-Head. I began to have some small doubts about Christian Science. Jesus was becoming real to me through the Holy Spirit.

1987 thru 89 - I had made some friends in the tropical fish business. I loved tropical fish, especially African Cichlids. In 1988 I bred them by the thousands in my off-base apartment. My home was full of aquariums. In 1989 I bought a condominium in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I started a home business, but the city discovered it, and told me to shut it down. In late 1989, I went into partners with a friend, Dan, but that didn't last long either. It was a $10,000 mistake. I became bitter over the experience.

1988 (middle of the year) - From Norfolk, I was sent to Hawaii on military assignment. During my spare time there, I was on fire for Jesus. I found a black man, in his 50s, one leg, 250 pounds, homeless, in a wheel chair. He was living under an awning on the beach. He was begging for quarters. I went to him with the idea of sharing the Gospel with him as the reason for giving him a simple quarter. When I reached his location, I discovered his situation was real. The human defecation smell was terrible. He had, no doubt, heard the Gospel many times, so I wanted it to be real to him. I was ashamed about my desire to give a simple quarter. Boy was I arrogant! At this point, I really wanted Jesus to be real to him, so I offered him a warm shower at my hotel room. He accepted. As I turned to take him to the hotel, a man appeared immediately from the tourists and came up to us and asked aggressively: “Where are you taking Him?!” I said, “He wants a warm shower; do you want to help?” He said “Yes.” This was a great thing, because I only weighed 170 lbs and was not very strong. It took two of us to get him out of that wheel chair and into the warm shower. In so doing, we were both covered in human waste; smelling terribly offensive. After cleaning-up and changing clothes, we took the man to a store for new clothes; then we took him to a fast-food place. After that, we returned him to the beach awning. As I turned, my helping friend was gone. An angel? His? Mine? I don't know. But I suspect this was my first angel encounter. It was an amazing experience for a young man naive about the ways of the world and God.

1988 (late in the year) - I return home to Pocatello, Idaho, for Christmas vacation. I attempted to convert my parents to Christian Science. I failed. Why? In my heart, I think I was trying to justify my beliefs in Christian Science through confirmation from others. A very bad argument erupted between my mother and myself. I felt very rejected by my mother. I went down stairs to my room. In anger, I put my fist through the thick plate glass of the gun cabinet, and grabbed one of my dad's loaded handguns. My parents arrived to my room after hearing the glass break. I tried to shoot myself in the head, but the gun had more than one safety. During my frustration, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the gun safeties. During this time, my consciousness became super heightened and clarion; everything seemed as slow motion. Some of my thoughts didn't even seem like my own: as if Jesus was trying to stop what I was doing. The gun wouldn't fire, so I tossed the gun at my parents (as suggested by some idea in my head). They left the room and decided not to call the police. I went upstairs to mend my wounded fist. While there, my mother called me a evil man; she told me that she wished I had killed myself; regretting she had birthed me. I felt disowned by my mother; and, perhaps, she really saw it that way herself. I returned to my room to mourn. My dad soon entered the room while I was mourning the loss of my mother in my heart. He talked to me, saying He suspected that “The loss of my mother” was the reason for my mourning, and he was correct. My mother truly died to me that night for the wrong reasons. It would be years before any of us would ever talk again. My parents took me to the airport the following morning. I flew back the my duty station in Norfolk. This was a near total disaster in my life. The coming years were emotionally painful. Yet, the Holy Spirit prevented the total disaster: I could have been put in jail and dismissed from the Navy... the gun could have fired.

1988 (late in the year) - After returning to Norfolk from Idaho, I tried to join the Christian Science church, but my application was rejected for not renouncing the Presbyterian church where I once attended in Idaho. To the pain of my parents, I wrote home and asked my parents to obtain a “Dismissal Letter” from the Presbyterian church. However, I never submitted the letter to the Christian Science church. I became somewhat irritated with Christian Science. My beliefs which had crystallized under Christian Science were beginning to fall apart; yet, only a few months earlier, I had been so sure of these beliefs.

1989 (September) - My military service obligations ended upon my decision to not re-enlist. I decided to continue living in the Norfolk area. In less than a month I was down to my last few hundred dollars. Yet, I believed I could trust Jesus. I had sent over 300 resumes to various employers, but heard no replies. On Wednesday I received a phone call. An employer, Tracor, had received my resume and wanted to interview me the following day for a technical writer position that had become available. A former Navy captain passing by the Tracor human resources office saw my resume on the manager's desk. He saw a duty station on the resume where he had once been assigned! He told the human resources manager to call me for an interview! I went to the interview and was working that Friday. Was it coincidence? I didn't even know this former Navy captain. I thanked God greatly.

1990 (middle of the year) - After hearing some sermons on a Christian radio station, I decided to find and join the First Baptist Church of Norfolk. I was baptized as part of my re-affirmation of my faith and belief about Jesus being my Saviour; that I was trusting in Him for meaning to my life. I turned away from Christian Science. I was soon deeply involved in church. I also got involved with a street evangelism program called “Evangelism Explosion” for a few years. I also wrote a news letter for my Sunday School Bible class for a few years. I began writing letters home in an effort to apologize for what happened in 1988. Yet, these were years of deep regret for me: I had many tears at night about how to deal with my mother who “Had died in my heart.” Only Jesus can heal such things, but a decade would pass before that would actually happened.

1991 (middle of the year) - My interests in owning a tropical fish pet store was still on my heart. I was in the prime of life and had great ideas. In this next business affair I tried to get into partners with an existing pet store, but this didn't work either. A partnership wasn't going to work. There was a bad argument that got deeply personal. The whole affair lasted only a few months. I repeated the same sins as before: taking the “Reins of my life into my own hands” when I should have kept my focus on Jesus. I didn't even ask Jesus if this potential partnership was a good or bad idea. Every time I became involved with business dreams of the world, my participation at church would begin to wane. On my last work day at the pet store, I drove my small Toyota hatch-back to the pet store in order to retrieve the things I had left there. I was torn-up emotionally about this failure. I could hardly think straight that morning. God was the last thing on my mind. While driving there, a large tractor trailer rig decided to cut into my lane near the City Hall exit ramp on I-264. The hood of my car was diagonally under the trailer rig before it registered in my mind that something was about to become very bad. But, all a sudden, a voice began in my head: “Now speed up a little... Now turn gently toward the shoulder.” It was all slow motion and super-awareness. I did as the voice commanded. The tire lug-nut of the rig clipped the left-rear of my car, putting a dent in the metal above the left-turn signal. I escaped a potential fatal accident. The tractor trailer driver knew he hit me and moved back into the left lane. I followed and got his plate numbers, then I took my City Hall exit. I never reported the driver of that rig: mercy flows in two directions.

Now, as I drove down Saint Pauls Blvd, an old black man stepped-out in front of me. I slammed on the breaks. He came to the window, and said he wanted a ride to the Hampton Court House. I told him that I was nearly to my destination, but that I would take him as far as I could. He got in the car. As we continued along the road, he said: “I think it is a shame how Christians have forgot their duty to God and the poor. You can let me out now. That is all I wanted to tell you.” After he got out, it dawned on me that I had not said anything to Jesus about having just saved my life on the Interstate. Wow, I was way out of focus from Jesus, yet He was faithful to me! And that black man? He looked just like the fellow I had helped in Hawaii a year earlier (except he had both legs). Is this all coincidence? I'm telling you, Jesus looks after us once we give our lives to Him! I sometimes wonder if the fellow in Hawaii eventually died and now he was as a guardian angel by his request.

After all this happened, I was disturbed in my spirit and felt a need to talk to somebody and confess the sin I felt. I went up on an “Alter-call” at Atlantic Shores Baptist Church, and talked to the prayer counselor in a rear room while in tears hugging a confused counselor. I felt I couldn't do this at First Baptist; the problem was in my selfish ego from my perceived reputation there.

1989 thru 94 - I was employed at Tracor for five years. During this time, I again had desires of owning a business. This time, I felt that Jesus “Approved.” Yet, it was really my desire, not His. I didn't understand or hear. Given the other business failures, one would think that I would have been more cautious. I took over an existing pet store and lease. Eventually the “Defense Cuts” came, and my job at Tracor came to a end as the company “Down-sized” and was purchased by another defense contractor, Vitro.

In the mean time, my pet store was up and running. Money was in short short supply. I couldn't get a bank loan. I financed the business entirely by credit cards; I was forty thousand dollars in debt before the end came. I moved into the pet store attic and rented-out my condominium. After two years, the store-front lease expired, and the property manager would not renew my lease. Food Lion wanted to expand into my store space, so naturally Food Lion was given my floor space. Even if I could keep the business, it was running at a loss. Without a subsidy income from a full time job, things became grim. This forced me into bankruptcy.

By now I was completely uninvolved with church activities. I no longer was doing evangelism. I no longer wrote a news letter for the singles Sunday Bible class. The darkest years of my life had began. Do you see why? When you ignore God, He will mostly ignore you; leaving you to the consequences of your decisions... so that you might learn from them. Happiness, satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment in life can't come from the world or wealth. I was learning this truth the hard way. These things are only found in Jesus, Christian fellowship, serving others, and doing the Will of God exclusively.

1994 (late in the year)– I filed for bankruptcy, chapter 13. After my lay-off from Vitro, I decided to do the full bankruptcy, chapter 7. I came out of the bankruptcy with my condominium, car, and my pet store assets (the judge “Released his interest in perishable assets and equipment”). I sold the pet store assets to a salt-water fish store in exchange for a one year free lease in a large storage room in his store. I set-up a small specialty shop in the storage room where I sold African Cichlids. I also had to live in the pet store at night, because my condominium was still leased-out. The pet store had a broken air conditioner during that Summer I lived there. The misquotes and high humidity were terrible. I lived in this hot-box for just under a year; a living hell. I often went hungry when sales were bad.

Toward the end, I called out to Jesus: “Lord, You said if a son asks for a fish, You won't give him a stone or snake.” As I reasoned this in my mind near sleep, a “Vision” occurred. It began with a stars zooming by, like in Star Trek. As the stars zoomed by, a voice said: “This is My Son, listen to Him.” The star animation ended with me finding myself on a dirt path running along a hill ridge which over-looked a lush grassy green valley. In that valley, a man in a white robe came up to me with a lamb on a leash. He gave me the lamb. As I took the leash, I said: “I have never done sheep before.” The vision immediately ended. Being a shepherd was a bottom-of-the-ladder occupation in Jewish times. I took the vision message to be that Jesus would help me, but not according to what I wanted: a good paying white collar job, either in technical writing or sales. The job would be a simple and humble. In the morning, I found a news paper add for a job as an electrician's helper with a promise for a future in commercial electrical construction with free training. I responded, and was hired for $5 per hour. My father was an electrician. Now I'm a electrician in 2009, having never left the firm which hired me in 1994. I once shared this vision story with a close group of friends in a Bible Study. They told me that the vision might have meant that Jesus was giving my life back to me.

1994 through 95 - I continued with my new job as an electrician and lived in the salt-water fish store. After about six months, my condominium became available. I moved back into it with nothing, except some clothes and small sentimental items (photo albums and school year books). I slept on the floor on a camper's mat. The home air conditioning broke within a month. I couldn't afford the cost to run it or repair it; and it was two years before I finally got it fixed. I placed adds in the news papers for roommates. I needed roommates for nearly 8 years in order to make enough money to pay the bills.

1995 through 2006 - In these years I became a “Christian Back-Slider.” After my “Vision” with Jesus, I decided to go back to church. When I did, I felt terrible and angry. I felt abandoned by my so-called church friends. I sat in a chair for visitors, and I was totally ignored. I began to fume, and left before the Bible study began; and said “Never Again.” I was angry at them and God for all my suffering; yet, it would be some years before I would eventually understand it was me who had caused my own suffering. After several years, I did get over my foolish anger with God and Jesus (I had blamed Him for not being more clear about keeping me away from the pet store business adventure ideas). I still remained irritated with my so-called church friends. This kept me out of church for a decade. I fell back into the world with a powerful addiction to computer games, porn, body building, and political discussions on the Internet. It took a decade for the Lord to teach me the vanity of all these escapes into the pleasures of the world.

1996 (approximately) - I had a roommate for several years who was interested in Christian things, so we talked much. Jerry had Catholic views. He had a problem with epileptic seizures from birth. We began to discuss Jesus during his time as my roommate. Things began to go sour for Jerry. He began to have seizures while driving (he woke up one morning with his truck in a ditch after passing-out on a isolated road). The doctors began to put Jerry on new medications. He went to the hospital a few times. To make a long story short, he came home one evening and went into his room; then got quiet. The door was open, so I looked in and saw that he was laying half-on and half-off the bed. I wondered if he had a seizure. I touched him to see if he was alive. He was breathing. I decided not to call 911.

I prayed for Jerry with a loving peaceful compassion which was different for me. We talked the next day. I asked him to consider the Gospel message we had discussed so much in the past. He said that he was considering recommitting his life to Jesus. A month later, in a surprise, Jerry decided to move out to live with his girl friend. A year later, he called me on the phone. In the phone conversation, I learned that he never had another seizure since moving out; that he had a strange unknown drive to stop taking all his medication just after he moved out. Jerry said he had recommitted his life to Jesus, in spite of not attending church. It is a rough beginning. I have lost contact with Jerry over the years, but I still sometimes remember him in prayers. I suspect the Spirit healed him.

2000 through 2003 - I had another roommate. This one is Bob. He trained me to be an electrician. I was his apprentice for several years. What is interesting is how Bob became my roommate. He had marital problems which lead to a desire to commit suicide; he also thought he had cancer, but he didn't. We spoke, and I shared the Gospel with him often. We had become close friends. It wasn't enough. Eventually, he gave all his tools away and drove up North to a favorite tourist mountain place. He wanted to jump to his death. I often prayed in tears for him after he left the electrical company. After arriving to his mountain, Bob got drunk and left all his kids' photos on tree branches down at the entrance to the trail. He doesn't remember doing this at all. Anyway, somebody (perhaps an angel) saw the photos and decided to call the police. They found Bob and got him off the mountain. A day later, he calls me and asks if my spare room is still available. I said yes. He was my roommate for several years. For a year Bob struggled with the ending of his marriage and the divorce. We often talked about spiritual things. Eventually it all passed, but Bob remained deeply depressed for a female companion. He eventually met a nice woman at a bar where he played eight-ball pool. They lived together for a few years, then married. It has been four years, and the marriage is still strong. To date, sadly, Bob never gave his life to Jesus. He still drinks heavily and smokes marijuana. Still, I believe God spared Bob's life for the Seed in him to grow.

2005 (middle of the year) - While working on some energized electrical equipment at a Naval Air Base, a large explosion occurred with a 100 amp, 277 volt, direct short to ground by a pinched electrical cable near our work. We were required to work the equipment live by the Navy (such shouldn't have been the case). I was in the middle of a plasma fire ball explosion according to all the witnesses. It happen extremely fast. All I remember is a single red light grow in my eyes, a sudden peaceful feeling; no fear at all. After it was over, I asked if my eyes lids were bloody; if it was safe to opened them or not. Everyone looked at me and said: “You are fine, open your eyes.” I had some burned eye lashes and burned beard hairs, but that is all. I said: “Apparently I have some angels protecting me today.”

My brother-in-law, an electrician, suffered a similar electrical explosion that put him in the burn unit at a hospital. Is this all just coincidence? In spite of things, my God has not forgotten about what happened in 1980 at the Josh McDowell crusade. I am still His; and in the serious things, He keeps an eye on me... regardless how much I grieve Him with my mistakes and sin. This experience caused me to rethink going back to church, but that would still be some years away. In the mean time, my political debates on the Internet took me into many religious discussions when Islam became a hot topic due to Iraq war. This caused me to begin studying the Bible. I began to grow closer to God and Jesus. I began to re-learn things I had forgot... I attended the Christmas service at my old church (First Baptist) in 2005.

2006 (late in the year) - While singing and dancing around to an old Alan Parsons song in the kitchen, the Holy Spirit flooded me with His Presence. I didn't know what to think; I wasn't even sure this was Jesus. While on high in the Spirit, the thought came to me: “Go to your old church for the Christmas services; after all, you're not mad at anybody anymore, are you?” No, I was not upset anymore, but I still skipped the Christmas service for 2006. However, the Spirit again came to me with ideas: “For 2007, do a New Year's resolution by attending regular church services, and then try re-attending Bible Study...” I agreed, and have not looked back. So much has happened since then. Most is not told here.

2007 (January) - I began a spiritual revival through the filling of the Holy Spirit of Jesus in me. It was all His effort. The reason? I did not know. Grace is sometimes like that. However, it would not be long before the reason became apparent. In the mean time, my revival took the form of singing Christian contemporary rock songs in praise and adoration of Jesus and God. Each time I would worship like this, the Holy Spirit would just flood me with His Presence; this often brought me to tears of joy and humility. This was a daily affair! I worshiped every day after work in my truck for a few hours (sometimes it was longer... I often lost track of time). These times have become my most precious memories in my life so far. Nothing beats an anointing of the Presence of Jesus in one's life; especially when it is His choice to do so (in spite of you and your sins)... so much Grace...

2007 (February) - While attending Bible Study at church, a man in his early thirties raised his hand to ask for prayer. I was sitting next to him. He wanted prayer for his lung cancer. He never smoked a day in his life, but he was heavy into the sin of lust for pleasure out-side of marriage. He had been only attending the church for about six months. It was the cancer which ultimately caused him to reach-out to Jesus. He became a Christian and was baptized. Then he and I met in Bible Study. I put my hand in his shoulder and prayed for him while deeply moved in Spirit.

2007 (April) - After some advice from other Christian friends, I decided to go visit my parents in Idaho an make amends for things that happened in 1988. This needed to be done in person. This went very well. For nearly all of 2007, I was blessed with a deep anointing of the presence of Jesus in my life. While out worshiping in song the first night home, in a dark restaurant parking lot, the following happened: the sun began to rise; and the first thing I saw was one of those common green city street signs we see in most cities. The road was called: “Grace is the way.” This left me in much peace and joy. My restoration with the family went very well. Love was restored between my mother and myself.

2007 (April) - I did not have a roommate for some years after Bob moved out. I was looking for another, but I wasn't expecting it to be George. Jesus, in Spirit, asked me to talk to George and pray with him. I did. A few months later, George asks to be my roommate, because He and His girl friend were having difficulties. George became my roommate for nearly a year. A special spiritual bond formed which I can't explain.

2007 (August) - We began having Bible Studies at my home, because it seemed George needed the extra fellowship while being forced to remain at the condominium due to illness. This developed a needed confidence in me to eventually teach Bible Study at a homeless shelter in the following year.

2007 (early November) - Tests from September (2007) did show that George's cancer was gone from his brain, back, lower spine, and shrinking in the left lung. He was fairly active and doing things, but not working yet. Many were saying he had experienced a miracle. We hoped such would be confirmed by the end-of-the month MRI scans of his lungs.

George continued to find fellowship with the Lord and learn His ways. Due to a scheduling error, George never had those MRI scans done. He felt that Jesus had healed him. But, if he had done the MRI, it would have been discovered that the cancer did re-migrated back to the brain. No one knew. We all thought He had been healed.

George and I had argued about organic foods a week before he left to visit friends in Newport, Rhode Island. He began to place faith in food to heal him, not God. It seemed he and I were never close as human "Friends." What George and I had went much deeper in Spirit than I ever could imagine. Agape love (selfless non-sensual love) is a powerful force in the Holy Spirit. I did love George in a spiritual way, and often told him that: "We're brothers, George, in Christ: All that is mine is yours." Later, a day before George left to Newport, he opened-up his “Armor” to share a lot of personal stuff with me. We looked through photo albums and picture collections from when we each were kids. It was nice and telling.

2007 (24 December) - George decided to go visit his family for Christmas in Newport, Rhode Island. After arriving in the region, the cancer soon caused a seizure while he was driving; the auto accident landed George in the hospital with only minor injuries, but the cancer kept him there. News about George got back to Virginia, so three of us decided to drive to the hospital and visit George on Christmas eve. It was 40 plus total hours without sleep: the drive there there, then we visited George, and then we did the return trip to Virginia. We sang Christian rock songs all the way there and back. Only the Holy Spirit made this journey possible. After arriving at 4:00 am in the morning to the hospital, a guard saw us at the door, and let us in. A nurse let us visit George. The cancer damaged the speech center in his brain, so he couldn't talk, but he knew who we were. We talked with George about many things, even joked with him, but it was still a sad time. On a second visit, they had drugged George. Eventually he opened his eyes to looked at me one last time, as if to say: “Thanks for coming, but you need to leave.”

2007 (25 December) - I returned home from Rhode Island. I suffered terribly over George that first night home; I woke into hard long tears of lament at 4:00 am. I talked with George through the Holy Spirit.... it was as if we were spiritually connected by the efforts of the Holy Spirit. George was in terrible spiritual pain; he was feeling alone and confused; fearing death; frustrated that God had not healed him after it seem God had done so. I was feeling George's emotional agony. It was the worst thing, as pain, I ever experienced. So we talked: Jesus, George, and myself. I had never expected this to happen. I never knew, until then, just how much the Holy Spirit had connected George with my spirit...

2007 (26 December) - I lost a friend. George Hudson went to be with our Lord at 6:15 am on the 26th of December. When I woke at 7:00 am, I couldn't feel George in my spirit. I didn't know what to think. Later in the morning the phone rings. It is the news of his passing. I didn't feel George in my spirit, because he had passed before I woke from sleep.

2007 (26 December) - It is late morning. I decided to go to the parking lot, sit in my truck, and worship for awhile in song; and wait to see if the Holy Spirit might tell me anything. I began to sing my normal order of songs; a few are sad laments for the lost and unsaved. I entered the Spirit early. I was filled. I tear-up during these sorts of lament songs... often I receive a filling of the Holy Spirit at these times... of His deep love for the lost; grief of their rebellion against Him. This happened again, but I could not feel George; my tears were not grief for George. What was going on?

Another song begins playing. It is a happy song; "Days of Elijah." I sang with all my heart in the joy of the Lord. As I was singing, I suddenly was flooded with the emotions of George through the Holy Spirit; of George's sense of peace and otherwise his happy countenance he had in the flesh! George says to me through the Holy Spirit: "Tracy, I can now sing way better than you ever will in the flesh!" Wow! This is cool, I thought. "George, it is so nice to hear from you this way!" George could not hardly sing during Bible Studies. So this was funny: him saying this. We talked some more in Spirit (all thoughts and emotions). He mentioned how he was in the New Jerusalem; that there was no sun or moon, that only the Light of God illuminated the Place... just as the Scriptures declare in the book of Revelation in the Bible. George was speaking to me through the Holy Spirit from the future... that is cool. I hadn't thought things like that were possible; that all the people ever “Saved” also exist in the future of His Kingdom.

It makes sense the God-Head could communicate back to people in the past whom are filled with the Holy Spirit (He is “Omni-present”). That happy experience put me at rest regarding George. I immediately called my sister in Christian service, Charlotte, and we talked about what happened. She had a similar spiritual revelation that morning about George being able to “Sing better than the rest of us.” We both agreed that we would not have a gloomy memorial service for George, rather it would be a celebration of his on-going life victory he now has with Jesus in the Heaven of our future. The service took place as planned, and it was a great time of celebration about life which George now has in Jesus.

2007 though 2009 – After work, I worship in song nearly every day in the same parking lot while sitting in my truck. It is a large L-shaped strip-shopping center which was nearly totally abandoned in the beginning of 2007. It was a quiet place to worship. There was one nasty night-club-bar, which resulted in a lot of crime, even some murders. This bar eventually closed. Anyway, I can't sing well, but this doesn't stop me from trying. Within a year, a small church rented a store-front, but only remained for about six months. It eventually released the remainder of its five year lease to another church called Believer's House. This ministry began to do something new and innovative: they began to rent other store-fronts in the shopping center for various church functions and Christian businesses. The businesses there often included the name of the church in their business names. In short? They took over the shopping center.

It seems the Holy Spirit laid claim to the shopping center in an expression of the Presence of the Kingdom to drive out darkness. I can't say my worship caused this, and I refuse to say that; but the expression of my worship there does confirm that Jesus had need of the shopping center for His own reasons to glorify His Father. This began as an expression of the Holy Spirit through my worship, but it expanded into so much more. It is all Grace, not something by the means or efforts men to gain the favor of God. His favor is already fully upon us through His Son in us! We need only to ask the Father to open our eyes to the activity of the Son on Earth. The problem is our own blindness. We often use our human senses rather than faith He gives us when we read the Bible. The Horse knows where to carry you; no reigns are needed.

We are always along for the ride in Grace of the Father's amazing Love in His eternal desire to show us the Kingdom of His Son. Get on the Horse called Jesus, or you will be trampled upon by the Horse while on the ground. He will be more faithful to be your God than you can possibly imagine. Repent and believe in Jesus. Let this be your beginning in real Life; Jesus is the Life and Resurrection. Without Him, you are already dead; your apparent consciousness is indication of the desire of the Father of Lights to give you Life. The Father begins with dead bones, as He did me; He adds some flesh and a spiritual heart; He shapes, prunes, and He shapes some more. He is the Master Potter, and you are the clay for His creative Love expressions. Do you refuse to be molded? Then you will eventually be returned to the clay storage bin to be crushed. Oh, and when it comes to “Free will?” The Father knows best. Trust him. Toss your “Free Will” in the trash-can at the foot of the Cross of Jesus. Let it die there forever. You don't need “Free Will” if you are trusting in Jesus.

2008 to Present - I was asked to teach Bible Study at a homeless shelter called Gosnold Apartments. I have been doing this with my dear sister in Christ, Charlotte, for about 50 weeks now. It has been wonderful time of learning and Christian fellowship. The property manager and office manager tried to end the Bible Study through “Separation of Church and State” arguments. The city social services leadership reversed the decision. It is clear God had a protecting Hand in inspiring the decision from the Norfolk city leadership. The officer manager was fired for other other unstated reasons. The Bible Study continues to do well and grow. Strong friendships are forming.